Excerpt 45

Have something in common with Alexis de Tocqueville:    Finding pleasure in the company of very few people.

He wrote:

“My contemporaries and I go by more and more divergent ways— sometimes such opposite ways that we can hardly ever now meet with like feeling and

thoughts…my mind has neither family nor motherland and such spiritual and moral isolation often gives me a sense of excruciating loneliness.”

I’m just like the South that I came from…always seem to be on the wrong side of history.

As I’ve grown older, I’ve been fortunate enough to meet women of all ages who experienced traumatic abandonment during childhood. They have come from Nepal and Sicily, Vietnam and China, Mississippi and Arkansas, New York and Maine. Our emotions are the same.

We are all so similar: fiercely independent, exceptionally responsible, sophisticated about money matters, always well-organized, and unusually private. We seek order out of chaos. A strong sense of self-mastery is longed for, above all else…all in a determined and deeply heartfelt effort to feel safe.

“… wisdom comes to us when it can no longer do any good.”

Gabriel García Márquez (Love in the Time of Cholera)

 

Excerpt 44

FURROW

 We are detached hearts that

Flutter in the breeze.

One appeases, another pleases.

Sacrosanctity sought by both in wrinkled

Cloaks of naïveté and knowledge.

Pummeling, seeking more of both:

Intensity of love and hope.

And we impoverished mortals that

We are, no longer quote the raven

Nevermore… But furrow for sustenance in

Deeper realms where only the impenetrable

Dwells.

What joy is found is so translucent, always a

Conduit of confusion. The only

Answers do evaporate into a kingdom of

Almighty fate.

We wish we had control of all but slowly

Realize for the door of cruelest mortality,

Acceptance is the sole key to any kind of

Sanity.